August 21, 2007

Purpose. My purpose on this earth. This is something I have desperately been trying to figure out these last few weeks and I’ve finally had a breakthrough.

I’ve been meeting with some friends on Sunday evenings to do a Bible study on the Virtuous Woman (Proverbs 31:10-31). It’s been so nice to meet especially with Keal through this time as she has been experiencing and going through many of the same things, feelings, and emotions that I have lately.

During our last meeting of the summer on Sunday, we made some meaningful discoveries. As we were talking about the chapter on purpose, I mentioned the booklet that I had read by Beth Moore about purpose. As we were talking through the points that were being made, we were both nodding and saying, “Yeah, but what is my purpose?”

I couldn’t help but think that the idea that our purpose is to live for His glory and pleasure and to know Him and make Him known is an overall purpose for any Christian. But I was also thinking that there would be a specific purpose for me. And then it hit me.

Maybe that’s just it. Maybe that is my purpose. What if that truly is my purpose in life and the rest is just specifics… the plan (so to speak)? Now, maybe this is all just semantics and doesn’t make a bit of difference. But it’s very liberating to me to think that I have discovered my purpose and now I can agree with God about it and simply ask that He reveal His plan for me in this specific time.

My purpose is…

• To exist for God’s pleasure and His glory.
• To know Him and make Him known to others.
• To know Him and to “progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly.” (Philippians 3:10 Amplified Bible)

My plan is (as I know it right now)…

• To be a wife and mother and a godly influence in my home.
• To leave a Proverbs 31 woman legacy.
• To use my talents and gifts in music and administration outside of my home.
• Is working outside of the home part of the plan?

Another ground-breaking discovery that I have made recently is concerning my job search. I have been thinking that I needed to work in a church or ministry; and for good reasons. I think that a ministry based job would hold more satisfaction for me as well as they would probably be the most reasonable as far as me being a mom and taking care of my children. However, as I have considered the fact that finding that type of job would likely include a church change, I have had to seriously consider if that is what I’m supposed to do. And it has occurred to me that it may not be what I am supposed to do.

When we first enrolled Sarah at her private school, we determined that we would have to search out ways to minister to non-Christians if our child was in private Christian school. We would not have that constant contact with non-Christian class-mates and their families. So we decided that we would have to play sports and do other things outside of school so that we and Sarah are exposed to those who do not know Christ. It has occurred to me that this might apply to me and my job search as well. It is possible that God wants me in a non-Christian environment to make an impact for His sake.

So, as I discovered this possibility, the job at a Bible church across town that I have been pursuing became less and less attractive. That is until they called and emailed me on Monday wanting to set up an interview. For so many reasons that job was not a good fit for our family: the drive, the logistics involved with Thursday evening hours, changing churches, difficulty getting involved there if we did change because of the distance, the lack of peace there would be in our household if I took that job. And yet, it was so difficult to reply back to them and say no to the interview request. My flesh kept saying, “This is what you’ve wanted. The exact right job for you. Just go to the interview and see.” And yet, the Holy Spirit kept prompting me to say no, to deny my flesh, to honor my husband’s opinion and wishes. It was incredibly hard. But that’s what I did. And I indeed have peace about it.

So, I ask, dear Lord my Savior and Friend, continue to reveal your plan to me. Help me see clearly what you have in store for me. Be extraordinarily clear about my working outside of our home. Make it so that I absolutely cannot deny your hand. And help me to give you the absolute glory for whatever happens.