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Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Secret Pain

There are white crosses in front of the church that originally started my daughter's school.

The other day she asked me about them. I found myself in a position that I never anticipated back on that day in 2001 when I heard her screaming her fool-head off as she was delivered out of the womb and into the world. I had to explain to my 7 year old daughter what abortion is.

And then, of course the conversation naturally came around to miscarriage. That was a hard one to explain as well. And emotional for me. I never imagined how difficult it would be to tell my daughter that I'd had two miscarriages after she was born.

But as I think about that conversation and the little bit of lost innocence in her I am reminded of something Beth Moore said this weekend. There are certain things that we need to know, but choose not to - it's called denial. And there are certain things that we insist on knowing that we shouldn't - only God should know certain things. This is one of those things that she needed to know. And although she was a little disturbed by what I told her, it was clear that she was ready for it.

I have also thought about what each of those crosses represent. The life of a child lost in abortion. But, friends, it's so much more. They also ought to represent to us the life of a mother that is hurting and wounded. Maybe the woman next door. Maybe someone you sit next to in choir or Bible Study at church. Walking wounded. Keeping their pain and hurt inside because it's not the kind of pain that is "acceptable" to talk about in church circles.

What if we were to break that pattern? What if we were to really reach out to the hurting in our midst? What if we were to give ourselves permission to acknowledge the secret hurts among so many women? What if we were to help them surrender their secret?

My sweet friend Melinda at Traveling the Road Home is trying to accomplish just that. She has a friend that, together with God, developed the study Surrendering the Secret which has recently been released in DVD form. She is giving away 5 sets of leader kits and study books and you could win one for your church's use.

You can read more about the giveaway here.

Although I don't know the pain of abortion, I have friends who do. It is a pain like no other. Let's break the cycle of the secret pain.


Melinda said...

Oh Donna...that was beautiful! Bless you, sweet friend, for spreading the word about this great need!

I'm squeezing the stuffing out of you over here...I so stinkin' am!

Hugs on top of hugs,

Kay said...

Answering the questions our children ask is never easy! One of my daughter's along the way was "how come our family is shrinking while others are getting bigger?". (ummmmm...!) But I'm glad you had the answers for her in difficult as it was. My mother told me often about a miscarriage she had when I was three. It was something she carried with her during her whole life.

Edwina at The Picket Fence said...

That was such a sweet story. I do know of someone and their family who went through abortion. It is a sad thing for any family to have to face and it is so important that we as christians support them, no matter our feelings. This is a pain that never goes away.

The G's said...

Powerful post...

Brittany said...

I have 2 (that I know of) friends who've had abortions. They're strong christian women now and counsel others who are going through, have gone through, or are considering abortion. It's really opened my eyes to the pain they go through as well. Even though we didn't choose for our babies to die, we still have a common bond of having babies in heaven and seeing them again some day.

Lauren was old enough to know what was happening the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time. My 1st loss was before her. I think it's caused our bond to be closer as she's had to live through my grief too.

I'm glad you were able to tell her about those babies and that she handled it well.

Pat said...

Thank you so much for your support and partnership in spreading the word about Surrendering the Secret and the healing that God has for women.
I am honored,

Genny said...

Those are such tough conversations...ones I haven't had yet. This was great, and that study sounds wonderful.

Bridgette said...

Hey Donna!

I am behind on blogging and just trying to catch up. This is such a hard topic. What to share with your children and what not to. It's a hard decision. I have both sides of the story to tell. One abortion and One miscarriage. My children have never asked me about anything like that so I haven't had to answer the question yet!
But I want to share with you a song that I think you will love. Share it with others. The name of the song is called Tiny Hearts. It is written by very dear friends of ours. My friend lost three babies due to miscarriage. She asked her husband to write a song for her, (He's in a band.) So, he did. The name of his band is House of Thomas. His website is This song is beautiful and it talks about our babies being in heaven. I hope you and the others enjoy!